Hi everyone,

This is Julianne reporting some interesting details of Alecia Garlic’s travels.  It seems that Dr. Typhon Garlic, her younger brother, was a little slow in sending her the information she needed in order to travel to the correct part of Egypt.  When she finally did receive it, she got it with a note that he would be waiting to pick her up at the airport Thursday afternoon of that week!

Alecia was justifiably upset with him, but she duly began her packing and obtained a visa for legal travel to Egypt.  It wasn’t that difficult, but she did have a little problem with the actual travel details.  It seemed that, despite the lucrative promise of her coupon in exchange for a safe flight to her destination, only one airline (one she had never heard of before and couldn’t find any credible information about on Google) was willing to take her on such short notice.  The others were all booked full.  Without any other choice, however, poor Alecia was forced to take her chances on the strange company.

It wasn’t long before she found out just how strange it really was!  I’ll let Alecia tell you the rest of the details.

Thursday, the twenty-fifth of April, Year 2013 A.D.

What a completely miserable company!  I will never, ever, ever fly with that airline ever again!

I was in the airport, in a wing I had never heard of before.  But then again, I was flying with an airline I had never heard of before and going to a part of the world that I had never been to before.  Anyway, after I finally found the gate that the airplane was supposed to be leaving from, I had to wait in line for the customs guy.  My personal opinion is that he had never graduated from high school and was entirely unqualified for his job.

As I waited in line, some other man (who looked like a thug) strolled past and cut in line.  I didn’t question his rude behavior…probably because he had a huge gun slung over his back!

This man seemed to catch the eye of the customs guy.  The thug grinned as he said, “Hey, it’s fine if I take this gun with me on the plane, right?”  To which the customs guy replied, “Of course it is!  That gun is AWESOME!!!  Oh, wait, do you have any ammunition?”  Then the thug said, “Only a couple of rounds.  I wasn’t sure how much I could carry.”  Then the customs guy said, “Here, take some of mine.  Those flight attendants can be pretty pushy.  What I usually do is let them know right from the start that I have a gun and ammunition.  Most of the time they’re more respectful after that!”  They chatted a while longer about the gun, then the thug finally said, “Thanks dude!” and boarded the plane.

About half an hour afterwards it was my turn.  I lifted my checked baggage, visa, and passport onto the table.  These actions seemed to confuse the customs guy.  Finally he worked out that I had handed him “that legal junk” and glanced over it before admitting me.  He hefted my bags a couple of times and muttered something about “it feels ’bout right, they’re probably not overweight.”  My luggage was nearly ten pounds over the weight limit per piece, but, considering his earlier behavior, I dismissed it and boarded the plane.

When I got on the airplane, I wondered if I had strayed into the economy class by mistake.  The stewardess, however, assured me that I was in the right place and warned me against looking at the actual economy class lest it should spoil my experience.

I was about to ask how simply looking at economy class could spoil my experience when I thought better of it and tied the seat-rope around my waist.

Besides the thug, I saw two other people on the flight.  One man was rather grouchy.  Whenever one of the flight attendants offered him something, he snapped, “Quiet!  I’m traveling incognito!”  Their reply was to simply nod and continue down the aisle.

The other man I met was very nice.  Perhaps he too, like me, had just wound up with the company by mistake.  He was Russian and spoke only a smattering of English.  The few words of English I heard him utter consisted of “No English” and “Very very thirsty.”

Toward the end of the flight the pilot unceremoniously announced that we should prepare ourselves for a crash landing.  He didn’t even mention why!  But I did notice that, apart from me and the Russian man (I had done my best to get the message across to him), nobody seemed surprised.

As we descended, half the windows, all the overhead storage compartments, and the hatch to the entire luggage bay flew open!  I spotted at least four of my suitcases and nearly eighteen other pieces of luggage slip out of the plane and plummet downwards before the staff got the hatch closed.

A few minutes later the pilot alerted us that the plane’s landing gear wouldn’t retract.  Long and miserable story short, everyone on board had to make a parachute jump with only what they could carry.  Once on the ground, we trekked about five miles to get to the airport.  I just hope Typhon is waiting to pick me up……because I have a thing or two to say to him!

I feel bad for Alecia, but I feel worse for Typhon once she finds him!  I don’t think she’s going to be very easy on the poor guy.  Oh, and don’t forget to leave your comments below!