Storming the Dark Lands


Wow! Typhon and company have stormed the Dark Lands.

In fact, they stormed the Emperor’s dark fortress! How radical is that? Plus, the gang’s relatively intact (nobody died).

Now, you may be wondering what in the worlds they were doing attacking the Dark Lands. The good citizens of Convergence Point had just been invaded themselves. Why would they risk taking such a risky risk?

First, I must applaud your exceptionally well-worded query. Three cheers for you!

Second, I must mention that, on our Wednesday night, the Emperor’s special forces came and stole something most important from Convergence Point. What they stole was in fact so important that, as soon as they discovered it was missing (it actually took them until Saturday), every able feller hopped right on a horse and rode in a south-easterly direction to the Emperor’s dark fortress (as I mentioned above).

Dr. Garlic’s journal entry:


Well, we rode out in a hurry to retrieve the Destiny Machine from the dark fortress of the Emperor of the Dark Lands. We discovered it was missing when someone tried to leave Convergence Point (not the town itself, but the general area which makes up Convergence Point), but was blocked by an impenetrable wall formed from the whistling sands.

This was happening, the mayor explained to us (after finding the Destiny Machine missing), because the Destiny Machine was gone. That statement probably should have surprised us more, but since the mayor apparently was the only one who even knew it existed, none of us even blinked.

“The Destiny Machine, you know? It’s what controls the Convergence Point year each of you arrived at. Sheriff, haven’t I told you about this?”

“No, this is the first I’ve heard of it.” Calico Max replied.

“Wow, I guess I have been quite secretive about this matter. Well, everyone, you’re going to need to help return the Destiny Machine to its place, because nobody is able to enter or leave Convergence Point without it!” At this everyone gasped, myself and Nob included. “It’s up to us now.”

The gang demolishing some guards!
The gang demolishing some guards!

We assembled a raiding group, and we rode off (I borrowed one of Calico Max’s horses) like the wind being blown by a faster wind. As we neared the dark fortress, the ground became blacker and blacker. They weren’t called the Dark Lands for nothing.

Finally we reached the gate, and it was only a few minutes until we’d defeated the rather pitiful guards. Invinciman was a big help with that.

Just before we passed through the opening in the fortress which was supposed to have gates (Invinciman sort of moved those out of our way), I looked upwards, to the highest tower of the fortress, wherewith came the most baleful blue and purple light. I can only imagine the Emperor was experimenting with the Destiny Machine.

We made all speed for that tower, because we knew that’s where the arrogant Emperor would be. We quickly overpowered any minions who dared get in our way. That is, until the undead wizard.

He croaked out a most perfectly evil cackle, turning the air sour before us. (He was undead, after all, and his breath was pretty nasty.) “How dare you enter the Emperor’s fortress?” he questioned ominously. “Prepare to die.”

The hallway showdown.
The hallway showdown.

“Not today!” shouted a voice I was astonished to discover belonged to none other than Zhonn Anderson. Zhonn leapt forward, and with one motion drew his vorpal blade and beheaded the wizard. This was just too cool for me be left out, so I shot a rather mortified-looking undead miner standing next to Zhonn.

We made it the rest of the way up the tower without incident, but stopped for a few moments at the doors to the throne room to catch our collective breath. There were a lot of stairs, after all.

When everyone was ready, we charged into the throne room, slaying the guards as we went. Suddenly came the terrible voice of the Emperor. (Terrible as in “not working very well.” He sounded like he had the flu or something.) “Halt! Stop killing my guards! You pitiful peasants are no match for me.”

I took that as a challenge, and I raised my spear, intending to spear the Emperor’s heart out. Time seemed to slow down as I charged toward him. The Emperor turned to face me, faster than I would have imagined possible.

He raised his dark staff in the air, I nearly close enough to spear him, just beginning to swing my spear. Before I even knew what had happened, the Emperor summoned lightning, striking me with deadly power. Zhonn looked on in horror as the lightning enveloped me and I fell on the ground.

Lightning strikes Dr. Garlic!
Lightning strikes Dr. Garlic!

I lay stunned on there for a few moments, seconds, minutes, or who knows how long. I had paid dearly for my attempted act of heroism.

But Nob! Wow, the next thing I knew, there was Nob in front of me, but as I had never seen him before. He was amazing! Surrounded by an almost magical blue tornado (of imagination, he later explained to me), Nob hurled himself at the Emperor, who was no match for his… Spinjitzu. That was it. Spinjitzu. It was part of his ninja training, and boy does that stuff work!

In a swirl of mystical blue light, Nob completely destroyed the Emperor. Apparently, being formed from Maelstrom energies, the Emperor’s weakness was imagination, and Nob’s imagination Spinjitzu was just what the doctor ordered.

The Emperor goes for a spin with Nob!
The Emperor goes for a spin with Nob!

When Nob was finished, there was nothing left of the Emperor, not even his dumb little purple crest. Wait, now that I think about it, that was the same symbol Mr. Spivey had been wearing when he mutinied on The Fish Out Of Water! Mr. Spivey was an agent of the Emperor! I shudder to think what would have happened to me if the mutiny had succeeded.

Now, too, I think of my dragon scroll, which warned me “Beware the ones who bear a Crest, / They seize wanderers in the desert.” The Emperor’s minions, who bore his crest, captured me while I wandered in the desert. It all makes sense now! Perhaps I finally understand that cryptic riddle.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. The instant the Emperor dropped his scepter, the blackness of the Dark Lands dissipated, and all his undead minions returned to the foul graves from whence they came. That was quite a relief, as I imagine we would have had a pretty hard time getting past that army, even with Invinciman’s help.

But as it was, we walked right out of the place without any trouble. Although, come to think of it, Invinciman did have to carry me back to town. The Destiny Machine was put back below the town hall, where it belongs.

Speaking of the Destiny Machine, it seemed to all of us like the Emperor had been trying to use its power to link back to his universe and unleash the terror of the Maelstrom upon all. I am seriously glad that didn’t happen!

I’ve left Convergence Point now, after many fond farewells to everyone. Amazingly, I have even become friends with Quarrelsome Bert, who seems to have got rid of his rowdy spell. However, I am certainly going to miss Dan Dirtie–Invinciman–the most.

He seems to be really unhappy with his job as a superhero, though he never really said as much to me. I wish there was something I could do to help him.

After everyone else had said their goodbyes, he too wished me well, and embraced me. His glove snagged on one of the buttons of my adventure bag, and I ended up having to take it off completely while he detached his glove. After that I waved goodbye, climbed into my adventure car, and drove off into the whistling sands.

One last thing before I end this journal entry. I’ve been invited to a “friendly party” by some Source Bradford guy who says he’s a friend of Dr. Gene. He sounds legitimate enough, so I guess I’ll check it out after I pick up my older sister, Alecia, at the Cairo Airport tomorrow.

Thanks fer readin’! I suppose Dr. Garlic will be picking up Alecia Garlic at the airport next post. By the way, if you’d like some more information regarding Source Bradford, why not check out The Junkyard Helicopter and the Hunter’s Apprentice?

Well, be sure to leave yer comments below, and I’ll see ya’ll next time!

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