The Break-in at the Library of Alexandria


The adventurers five have broken into a secret vault inside the Library of Alexandria!

Although it seemed slightly less than legal, it looks like it may have made Al consider considering considering adventuring again! I guess that’s pretty awesome.

Touring the Library of Alexandria.
Touring the Library of Alexandria.

Anyhoo, here’s Dr. Typhon Garlic’s journal entry:


On Thursday I met Source, Al, Zhonn, and Nob at the Library of Alexandria. We bought tickets to the library tour, which started at 11:00. We followed the tour guide as she pointed out the highlights of the enormous library, and followed all most some two of the rules (we didn’t smoke or kill anyone) during our time there.

Shooting the guard with a stun-set plasma pistol.
Shooting the guard with a stun-set plasma pistol.

We blasted our way past the guards and ran down many maze-like hallways, following after Source. Finally we reached our destination: King Solomon’s Mines!

Nah, just kidding. What we really found was an ancient vault. Source figured out the combination, and we entered. There within lay The Book of Magic, Lore, Witchcraft and Wizardry, Treasures and Other Universes, and Simply the World Around Us by Sir Daniel Ratwoven. I really would have liked to take a look at it, but as soon as Source and Dr. Gene had read the King Solomon’s Mines page and removed a scroll from it, Nob snatched it right away.

Source breaking into the secret vault.
Source breaking into the secret vault.

The scroll contained the followed riddle, which was basically directions to another clue to King Solomon’s Mines.

The shul of the Throne divinity,
In the maned-eater’s effigy,
The trace of the treasure trove,
Rests in the jagged teeth of the big, stone creature.

This whole time I had been rummaging through my adventure bag in search of my journal so I could write this fascinating riddle down. Instead, I came upon an unusually crumpled piece of paper that seemed to beg, “Look at me!” I pulled it out and walked over to the others, who were still discussing the scroll.

“Hey,” I interjected, “speaking of old mysterious pieces of paper, look what I just found!” I held up the scrap of paper with some scribbles on it and Dan Dirtie’s signature at the bottom.

“Where did you get that?” Al asked. “And why would it have ‘Dan Dirtie’ written at the bottom?”

“I don’t know!” I said. “The last I saw Dan was in Convergence Point.”

“What does it say, anyhow?” Nob asked. I don’t think he’d seen the paper, so I lifted it up to his face for him to read see it. He took one look at it, then simply said, “Oh.”

“It looks like we have another riddle to solve, boys.” Zhonn concluded.

“Yes,” Al said, “but this time I want G.E.N.I.E., my artificial brain, to figure it out. Come on, guys! let’s go find out what’s in this bunch of scribbles!”

After a half hour or so, G.E.N.I.E. had figured it out. Turns out a few dozen teraFLOPS work wonders on scribbley papers. Here’s Dan’s message:

Dr. Pepper,

I know you are a very observant person, and you will certainly have noticed that I seem less than happy with my current status as a “superhero.” In fact, things have never been worse for me.

I was kidnapped by S.H.I.E.L.D. on May 17th, 2013, 9:06 AM at the northwestern edge of the Black Forest in Europe. They forced me to work for them by implanting a bomb in my chest which can be remotely detonated.

Although I’m pretty sure I could survive it, I dare not disobey their orders. I cannot risk anyone else being injured by the bomb. Please give this note to Dr. Gene as soon as possible so he can prevent my capture.

Your Friend,
Dan Dirtie

P.S. Sorry if this was slightly hard to read; in order to avoid suspicion on the part of my employers, I was forced to write this message in my pocket.

Al read this aloud, then shouted, “Dan! I have to save him! Come on, Source; let’s get out of here and fly my copter to the Black Forest!”

“Hey wait! You guys have the map!” I shouted. But they were already out of hearing range. And they’d brought Al’s Ambient LightMaster with them, so the hallways were now carbon black. We were forced to navigate the dark halls with nothing but Zhonn’s watch light.

I mentioned to Zhonn at one point, when we weren’t seeming to be making any progress toward the exit, that the place was like a labyrinth! “I just hope there’s no minotaur.” Zhonn and I shared a chuckle at my clever joke, when suddenly we heard something: a terrifying kind of moo … or roar. Mroooooooaaaaaarh! it came. Mroooaaarh! “Nob, that’s not very funny…” I said, but Zhonn said that no, it wasn’t him!

MROOOOOOOAAARH! The sound was a lot closer than before. “Run, guys!” shouted Zhonn. We ran for our lives, but the minotaur was right behind us. Sometimes he would fall behind, and we’d think we had lost him, but then would always come another Mroooooaaaaarh! from the minotaur. I’m sure Nob almost got eaten three times.

I didn’t take any pictures, partially because the minotaur was chasing after us, and partially because it was waaay too dark to see anything anyway.

After four terrible days in the labyrinth, we finally found the exit. I suppose we deserved it for breaking in like we did, but still. It was really awful in those crumbling hallways. In fact, I think I’ve got myself a new fear: minotaurs.

Thanks for reading, tomboys and wrestlemen. What do you think you would have done in that dark maze of hallways?

Leave your comments below, and I’ll see you next time! 😉

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